Here’s another poolside shot for you. Not to “humble-brag,” but to talk a little about something I touched on in a previous blog. I have a difficult time relaxing. I can sit and meditate for five minutes, take a nap for twenty, or maybe get my nails done for a half-hour. When it comes to anything more than that, I have to make a concerted effort to stay still. Take my Vegas vacation, for example. Checkout time was 11am, and my flight didn’t leave McCarran airport until 10pm. My plan was to spend the entire day at the pool, which I successfully did, but it wasn’t as easy as I thought it would be. I constantly fidgeted in my chair. I had to check on my things, apply more sunscreen, and make sure I didn’t fall asleep! I even had to pep talk myself in to staying there: “You can do it! This is going to be amazing! etc.”I felt oddly uncomfortable with the fact that I wasn’t out and about; not wandering up and down the Strip, taking in the sights, but settled poolside.
There’s a little voice in my head that constantly chirps “Go! Go! GO!” It encourages me to make plans and say ‘yes’ to experiences I’ve never had before. On the other hand, I notice that as I’m getting older, I have to be increasingly cautious about the things I get myself in to, and make a concerted effort to take better care of myself. It’s the little things, like removing all traces of make-up before bed, applying eye cream, and taking my vitamins everyday. Living alone has played a big part in this, as I not only worry about maintaining myself but my apartment as well. Now I have concerns of needing to take the trash out, dusting, and making sure that I have enough milk for my morning coffee. It’s silly, I know, but it’s my effort to be conscientious has somehow made me insufferably restless. I never really take notice until it’s time to wind down, or, in the worst case scenario, I get sick. It’s quite a predicament to have, being too excited about things that need doing or what tomorrow might hold to be able to have a quiet moment to myself. The moral of the story is that having those moments are so essential to thriving in a life of semi-adulthood. I keep telling myself this…hopefully someday it will stick.