Today, I wanted to share a bit of wisdom that has been imparted on me recently by the boss lady.
Ladies…this one’s for you.
Ever get into one of those infuriating points in your relationship where you find yourself Googling: “My boyfriend is being a [redacted]?” Or, how about “What to do when men can’t multi-task/pay attention/listen/be more…(insert adjective here)?” I know I can’t be the only one that does this. Unfortunately, while the internet can be fun and helpful on many levels, it kind of sucks when it comes to relationship advice. Sure, there are the occasionally insightful Huffington Post articles, but you’ll have to weed your way through dozens of inane Cosmopolitan lists to get to them. I know that as women, we’re often prone to looking the other way, or making excuses for the sometimes obnoxious behavior of people we care about in an attempt to avoid coming off as bitchy, or even being given the dreaded “mommy” label. No one wants to be in a relationship with their nagging mother. So what’s a girl to do? I may be far from having all the answers, but the following analogy has helped me more than anything:
Imagine that you and your significant other are at a restaurant. You order your meals, and wait in anticipation. Then, the moment comes when your plates are set down in front of you. You look at your beautiful plate and begin to think: would anyone else like a taste? Maybe this needs more salt? Perhaps you should have ordered something else? Oh, wait! The table across from you has some delicious looking thing on theirs. Maybe you should have ordered that? This portion is huge, so maybe you’ll take some of it home? And your date, does he like his food? Does he mind if you pick off of his plate? Maybe you’re gluten intolerant like your friend suggested? Maybe you should eat less protein and more carbs? That’s a thing, right? Etc, etc, etc.
Meanwhile, you look over at your partner, and all you can see is the top of his head. He’s too engrossed in his full plate to notice anything else. Granted, he may come up for air to give you the “my plate is too full” eyes, but that’s all you’re going to get from him. That’s it. Until he finishes eating, he will be completely engrossed in it. The same goes for life. At times, his life will present him with one big plate of food, and he will be unable to handle or comprehend all the things you think about or want. It’s perhaps a silly analogy, but it’s more true than anything else I’ve heard lately. So, when you’re thinking he’s being an insensitive jerk for not returning your text or call in a timely manner, or can’t seem to find a balance between work and leisure, never fear. Try not to take it personally, because it’s not you. You, after all, can do and think all the things at once without having a complete meltdown. It’s his damn plate.