I have some very exciting news today- I have a guest blogger on Watch Me Juggle! A while back, my friend Kelsey asked if she could share some thoughts on my blog, making her my first official guest blogger. I met Kelsey my freshman year in college, when her across-the-hall-mate wandered into my dorm room one evening. The rest is history, as they say. Even though she lives quite a ways away from me now, we still regularly share thoughts on the typical subjects that preoccupy young, single women our age. You know: work, our hopes and dreams, Instagram, and how everyone seems to be meeting strangers on the internet and getting married. Nothing too scandalous, really. But, it’s on this last note that Kelsey wanted to elaborate. I’m really glad she did.
Without further ado, I give you: “Yes, Mom, I’m Still Single.”
“So are you seeing anyone right now?” All single men and women approaching thirty have heard this line from parents and relatives. My mom asks me this almost every time I see her these days. I can tell she is getting concerned. She never used to ask me this, but the question has been popping up repeatedly over the past year or so. One time she really let her desperation show. “I don’t understand. You always had boyfriends in high school and college,” she said to me, as if my relationship status during my adolescence should have been a clear indicator of how successful I would be at landing a suitable husband at an appropriate age.
Maybe I am to blame. I haven’t introduced them to a guy since 2010. I have a policy of not telling them anything unless things are serious, and, frankly, I haven’t been at that point in a long time. Also, they might faint if they knew I dated a Republican that rode a motorcycle. Sometimes I will allude to past flings in my stories (“I toured and ate at a Google campus when I was seeing a guy that works there”), but that’s all they get. That’s because I know that my stepdad is the master of research and stalking. Any little sliver of information I accidentally let slip, he has already found the guy on Facebook. So, mum’s the word when it comes to sharing my dating life with my parents. Sorry, not sorry.
Recently, my mom asked again about my dating life. I said I was picky and not in a hurry, and she said I should give guys more of a chance. I interpreted that as her telling me to lower my standards. My parents would love to see me in a committed relationship because they worry about me and think a guy would take care of me. My stepdad used to text one ex-boyfriend to ask him to check the oil in my car. It makes me wonder if they have noticed that I have been a responsible, independent woman since I graduated college, even if I do fail at car maintenance. I even moved to Mexico City on my own without knowing a soul there! But no, a boyfriend would mean I was safe.
I have given them my spiel about enjoying being single and not wanting to give up my independence for someone not worth my time. I have complained about the dating scene and shown them a clip of Aziz Ansari describing the misery to Conan O’Brien. I’ve even explained that my generation is commitment-phobic because their generation has such a high rate of divorce. Most of the time, I just avoid the conversation by giving them a simple “no.” I know my friends also feel this pain. I recently shared a listicle titled “29 Brilliant Responses For When Someone Asks You Why You’re Still Single” with my friends in preparation of the Easter holiday weekend. My favorite line is, “I haven’t met anyone equally as fabulous!” Honestly, the worst part about being single is having to explain to others why you are single.
Let me state for the record that the single life is fun. I do not have anyone to answer to and I can be completely selfish. I can have dinner with this guy one night and that guy another. Or I can choose to stay in to wash my hair instead (which I have actually done). I can be friends with whomever I want and not have to worry about a boyfriend getting jealous when I spend time with a guy friend. I know that relationships have their own perks (travel partner comes to my mind first) and that falling in love can be an exciting adventure, but until I find someone who is worth my time, I am living my life the way I want. As Eva, the friend whose blog I hijacked for this post, stated, “Anyone can find some guy to hang around, but it is quality that is important.”
It seems like my arguments have not fallen on deaf ears. This week, my mom sent me two articles about the single women epoch and being single at 30. Also, she was told by a fellow juror that she shouldn’t pressure me and provided his own anecdote of his daughter marrying a loser. Thanks, stranger (although I am not exactly stoked to know that my mom was complaining about my singlehood at jury duty). My advice to my fellow single ladies (and gents) is to not let the pressure from society and family get to you. Move at your own pace, and don’t settle! You do you, boo boo!
Kelsey is an independent woman living a happy, sunny life in Santa Barbara. She loves her parents, despite their concerns about her lack of a boyfriend.