Tag Archives: relationships

Why I am not yet a Grown-Up

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A fantastically flattering question I get asked often by my students:

“Miss Eva….Are you a kid? Or a Grown Up?”

Considering I still do things like eat cake for breakfast, I can see where the confusion comes from. In additional news, I still do not know how to answer this question properly.

YES. Yes I am a grown-up.

(???)

Because I do things like write checks, shop for insurance, and figure out my taxes. I also own a vacuum and can cook a whole turkey. I feel this is a socially acceptable definition of being “grown-up.” Nevermind that one of my teenage students had to explain what a mortgage was to me the other day. Do I need one? No, no I do not.  Problem solved.

I’ve lived on my own for the last 2 years of my life, and have managed to not yet set anything on fire.  I love my apartment and my purple bathroom. I know things about wine, own original art and many tubes of lipstick. I am a grown up on paper, and as much as I like the idea, I’m glad I’m not one.

I have almost zero responsibilities, except the ones that I choose for myself. I haven’t settled in to anything, as nice as that sounds, and relish the idea of being able to reinvent myself whenever possible. I don’t really have to answer to anyone- I can buy as many pairs of impractical shoes as I want. And if I want them to live on my bookshelf, they can. And, in defense of single gals everywhere: just because I enjoy having fun, special things in my life doesn’t make me vapid or less of a contributing member of society. I have a tremendous amount of respect for those “grown ups” out there that can find the value in young people. Even better, those that haven’t let the energy of being a total kid get away from them. I hope to be like them someday.

In moments of doubt, I try to remember what a good friend of mine said: “It’s okay. We’re cooler than a lot of people.”

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Weekend Recap

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Oh, hello! It looks like someone finally decided it was fall.  It was so windy outside this Sunday, I ran in to Target to buy myself a hat and gloves. And yes, that’s the official story and I’m sticking with it! Now, I have a lovely little white beanie complete with a marabou poof keeping my head warm. This is clearly an essential.

Though I had no crazy, Halloween-themed parties to go to this year, I did have quite a few memorable things planned for the weekend:

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Friday night featured a concert I had been looking forward to for quite some time. The one and only: “The Naked and Famous.”  I had never been to the Fox in downtown Oakland, and the venue was 10 times more beautiful than I expected.

IMG_0460Fabulous view. Nosebleed seats and all.

I’d like to think that my 12 year-old self would have thought I was such the “cool kid.” Also had a wonderful time at Make Westing, both before and after the show.

My Saturday involved very fabulous girl time,  afternoon tea, and a screening of Downton Abbey, Season 4.  (Oh my goodness, such drama! The most dignified soap opera around.)

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 The menu included:

Scones, Blueberry Financiers, 

Apple spice cakes with whiskey glaze

Flour-less chocolate cakes

Egg salad

& a variety of tea sandwiches .

Curried chicken, cucumber mint mascarpone, and smoked salmon.

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And there was of course, tea. And wine. Which rendered my mother completely incapable of taking pictures, so no group photos for this bit, I’m afraid.

To top it all off, I got my Halloween wish by carving pumpkins with the lovely Rachel and the kiddos she watches.

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The lovely Ella.

Not afraid of getting dirty, a firecracker, and great company. Her pumpkin had three eye, just FYI.

IMG_0479Edward. My lame, sandwich-eating (?) vampire pumpkin.

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It’s an Avocado pumpkin!

(Avocado =the Wonderful company that Miss Rachel works for. It’s a free couples app- go download!)

We ended the evening with homemade noodle soup and caramel apple cookies. Very fall-festive.

Hope you all enjoyed your weekends as much as I did mine!

Love,

EVA

And then….

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I’ve been spending  a bit of time in my own head lately.

(Pause for reaction.)

Having early morning work hours has encouraged me to observe people and to absorb as much information as I can without being an outward “participant. Yes, I am only an aspiring morning person, not quite there yet. This morning, while standing around in the requisite meeting-circle (it’s like being a kid again, everyone is forced to “hold hands,” but no one really wants to) I looked around and had an epiphany. I use this word lightly, because I’ve had these thoughts germinating in my brain for quite a while. So many people, with their full time jobs and their bills to pay, etc. live their lives entirely unexamined. Once you’ve buried yourself in a world of responsibilities typical of adulthood, it’s very difficult to  take a step back and ask yourself if you’re truly happy.

This question is not an easy one, and I think it scares a lot of people.

Like so many people I know in their mid-twenties, I’ve been subject to other peoples’ scrutiny, specifically in regards to the direction my life is headed. “How old are you? And you do what now? How’s that working out for you? What do you finances look like? Anyone special in your life?” And the best: “Oh, so you’re career oriented?” I just about fell over at that one. You can’t take it personally, no matter how bad this might make you feel on the wrong day. To these people, here’s how life’s usually supposed to go:

You finish school. You get a job. And then you meet someone. And then you get married. And then you have children….and then….and then….

People want to categorize your life in the same way that they have categorized theirs. And, consequently, you’re somehow instantly less threatening to other people, easier to understand, if your life follow’s this model. Too many people get caught up in running the routine of life, the “I should…” and the “I’m supposed to…”  instead of doing what they really, really want to do.  Remember what you wanted to be when you “grew up?” What the hell happened to that? Was anyone’s answer: “I want to do data entry!” or ” I want to be financial analyst for a corporation that cares more about it’s numbers than people!” I don’t think so.

But breaking away from this can be scary. Then again, if life isn’t giving you a good scare every once-in-a-while, what are you doing with it? I don’t want to wait until I’m older to see that there were opportunities I missed because I was too afraid, or because other people thought I should be doing something else. In short, take those chances, accept other people’s support, listen to that inner voice (however small) that’s telling you everything is going to be okay.

 

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