I’ve been rather scarce on the blog lately, but if you’ve read my previous post, you’ll absolutely know why! “Wonderland” was a beautiful success, and I’m so glad. It was a joy to pour all my creativity in to, and I believe that all of Dance Arts Project was proud of all their hard work at the end of the day.
“So, what’s with the the blog title?” some of you are wondering.
Well, I’m currently experiencing what I have dubbed the “performance hangover.” For non-dancers out there, it’s akin to coming back home after a fabulous, much needed vacation. You’re so glad to be back, but your return simultaneously marks the end of all the vacation fun. And, boy, was it fun… but that shouldn’t justify the inexplicable sadness, should it?
I’ve been attending ballet classes and daily rehearsals like a crazy person this last week. Who rehearses at 9am? WE DO. At the end of my days I felt too tired to even sleep, illogical as it sounds. I should welcome the week-long break before moving on to my projects for the summer. The palpable vacancy in my life has left me listless, at best. Today, aside from lunch plans and running errands, was filled with a little bit of everything and nothing. I described it via text as “just sitting around, ‘watching the trashiest tv possible while simultaneously reading food blogs, and using Google to identify what was actually in my box of chocolates.'” This last idea was pure genius on my part. I digress, as is usual.
Onstage, during my final curtain call for my college company, I embarrassingly burst in to tears. This was partly from sheer exhaustion at the end of a long tour, partly from the fact that I didn’t know if I would ever have the opportunity to dance onstage again. The thought filled me with a fear I’d never felt before. When I was younger, all I ever “knew” was that I loved dancing. At the end of each show, there was always the anticipation of next year- what I would wear, what part I might have. There was never the question that I might not be dancing. The temporal nature of dance is what makes it so beautiful, but also what makes it so difficult for those who love it. There will always come a time when we must bow out, hopefully with grace and of our own volition. But, many things in life are like that. You can’t stay young forever (well, physically, anyway). I like to remind myself that the end of one thing doesn’t necessary mean an end, merely an evolution. If you love something enough to keep it in your life for 20+ years, you’ll absolutely find a way to integrate it in the rest of your years, if you so choose. It’s probably silly of me to be so preoccupied with the idea of endings after an annual show. What’s perhaps sillier is that I spent hours writing, and thinking about this post. In between snacking, dancing around my room in socks, and staring at the television. This is what my vacation looks like, I guess.
Please stick around- I’m hoping to showcase some lovely snapshots and a more formal review of our show later this week on the blog!
As always, thank you for reading.