Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

What in God’s name possesses you to walk around in your heels at 2am on a Wednesday night? The only logical explanation for this behavior is that you are shooting an adult film. In which case, this is still socially unacceptable behavior.

Dear People leaving the theater during the applause,

There is nothing we can do to physically stop you from being so rude. Just remember, there will be hundreds of vengeful dancers that you offended waiting for you in the afterlife. They stand on their toes for a living and are not afraid of pain. Think about that for a while.

Dear sir,

Were you in a real hurry when you got dressed this morning? Or is this a cool new trend that I don’t know about?

Dear Smelly Person at Yoga,

I’m not entirely sure why you smell so distinctly of a used cat-box, but it’s disconcerting. What’s even more bothersome is the fact that you put your mat next to mine. Unfortunately for me, there is no yoga pose that involves holding your nose.

Dear overalls,

I’m so so glad you’re back. I lived in you from grades four to five, and I have been waiting to wear you again for all this time. I don’t care that I am a grown woman. I will wear you with stylish abandon, and everyone will be jealous of my youthful appearance. I may look like I belong in middle school again, but, frankly my dears…I don’t give a damn.

Dear Fork in my Champagne bottle,

I know you’re supposed to have a purpose, but I’m not sure what that is. I think you’re supposed to keep the bubbles in?  How do you do that? Is it magic? Am I even doing this right?

Dear person with 10 packets of Splenda in their latte,

The barista at Starbucks repeated your order back to you so many times because he was in a state of shock. How do you still have all your teeth? And all that can’t be good for your intestinal tract.  Have you ever considered the fact that maybe you just don’t like the taste of coffee…? Ever consider drinking tea?

Dear Comcast,

I’m going to go on record and say that your TV service is awful, at least from my experience. The last thing I need is a combination of your dreadful TV service, a $40 increase in my bill, and a snarky customer service agent. I also enjoy how you like to charge me extra when I try to pay my bill. Very classy move.  By the way, have you heard of Chromecast? It’s $35, doesn’t come with an obnoxious modem, and will be my new best friend. So there.

Sincerely,

EVA♥

Hello all!

Things have been a bit nuts in the “Watch Me Juggle” household.

My bed, as you can see, has become my work space as of late, accumulating clutter as I dash about. I captured a quick moment before running off to rehearsal, with my shoes not yet sewn, my CBEST test-prep book open, and an embarrassing collection of half-drunk water bottles strewn around. Last week, although productive, seemed to drag on forever.

First off, I took (and passed) my CBEST last Wednesday. While called the California Basic Educational Skills Test, I have to say, this exam was somewhat infuriating. I took a number of practice tests, and occasionally scored higher in the mathematics section than reading, which is astonishing for me. I found myself often over-thinking multiple choice reading comprehension questions, debating between choice “A” and “B,” because both could technically be correct, and who are we to assume to know what the author of the passage is trying to say from a stylistic standpoint?! Frustrating, to say the least. I also spent more time than necessary on my two essay questions, and in the end I liked my responses so much I’m hoping I can somehow get my hands on my writing from the test people. Test aside, now I am trying to navigate applying for a substitute teaching permit in Alameda County, which, in all honesty, I thought would be a little more straightforward. I’m incredibly lucky in that I have numerous friends that have had to jump through the same hoops (and have done so successfully) that can help me out. And there’s always Google.

Meanwhile, I’ve been dancing quite a bit, rehearsing for our upcoming show, and slapping choreography together like it’s no big thing. My life has suddenly become a mixture of sewing and gluing shoes, with a few happy hour get-togethers thrown in for good measure.  I’ve managed to pick up some extra classes, and also scheduled a quick Las Vegas getaway with my girlfriends. I’ve turned down last-minute trip opportunities like this in the past, and have always regretted it. In this case, my dear friend Susie is celebrating her new-found freedom before heading off to grad school in southern California in April. It is definitely a chance to celebrate her, and I happened to find really reasonably priced tickets, so off I go! Another adventure…

Until next time,

EVA♥

Hello everyone!

Today’s post is exactly what it sounds…a little bit about me! I’m not as big on lists as many of my friends, but I thought I’d try my had at them for a bit of fun today. While sitting at Rouge et Blanc in downtown SF one afternoon,  I came up with a list of my likes and dislikes, all random, but aimed to make them a tad more sensory oriented than most. Quite honestly, don’t ask me to explain, because most of the things on my list are inexplicable- they’re just things I’m drawn to (or quite the opposite) naturally.

Things I Am a Fan of:

• Leopard print. Stripes. Polka dots. Separate or together
• Champagne. Anytime.
• Rainbow sprinkles. On anything
• The smell of books
• The sound of ice rattling in a plastic cup
• Flannel shirts
• People watching
• The smell of freshly ground coffee
• Stretching/sweating
• Snapping my gum

Things I Am Not a Fan of:

• The last sip of beer
• Hypocrisy (but really, who likes this?)
• Walking slowly
• Timid handshakes
• Men in flip flops
• Too-big diamonds (gum ball machine jewelery, anyone?)
• Being overdressed
• Stiff hair
• Chalk
• Overhead lighting

Happy Friday, all. I’m off to dance!

EVA♥

Dear Upstairs Neighbor,

Must you wear heels while vacuuming? I have no idea what’s going on in your apartment, but I doubt this is necessary. It’ s 9am on a Tuesday.

Dear local high school,

Do you have a radar of some sort? Do you somehow know when I need to go out for groceries and then have events? I can’t tell you how frustrating it is to come back to my house and not find any parking within a three block radius. Especially when carrying groceries. In a broken bag. In the dark. Don’t even get me started about your band room being right next to my building.

Dear Covered CA,

Thank you for providing a young, self-employed person healthcare. I love you so much. Except you think my social security number doesn’t exist. And you won’t stop sending me nonsense letters. Also, maybe you should let my provider know that I have insurance through you guys. They seem to think I don’t, despite sending me a new card and everything…? Please stop being difficult.

Dear Spotify,

Will you quit interrupting my songs with ads?! It’s really rude, and really hard to concentrate on whatever I’m doing when you’re pinging me with 30 second ads every two minutes. Rude. Also, do you not consider that since I am currently using your app to listen to music, maybe you don’t need to advertise Spotify? I’ve clearly figured this out already, and perhaps this isn’t the best use of your resources.

Dear woman across from me at the coffee shop,

I understand that this establishment has comfortable couches. I enjoy them. What I do not enjoy is seeing you with your knees sprawled 3 feet apart as you type on your laptop. You are not at home. And for your sake, I hope you do not have roommates that you subject to this behavior. If this is in fact a clever scheme to monopolize an entire couch, it is working well and I applaud you.

Dear espresso,

I love you so much. Will you marry me?

P.S. Coffee can come to the wedding too, if that’s not weird for him.

 Dear dishes in my sink, 

Do you multiply every time my back is turned? And forks, how do you all manage to go down my drain at once? It’s quite frightening when I turn on the garbage disposal and you somehow manage to launch dishes out at me? I don’t think we understand each other and suggest we do some sort of third-party counseling. As in, maybe I call someone in here to just wash all of you? All the time.

Dear Beyoncé,

How do you manage to spin your hair around and dance like that simultaneously? Every time I attempt this, I fall over. I could use your expertise right about now, because I think it is imperative that I have some of your moves in my arsenal.

 Sincerely,

EVA ♥